Tag Archives: Scott Longton

Rules Of Dating As A Divorced Father

Dating as a divorced parent can often be difficult.  This is especially true for dads.  There is a lot to prove to not only their children but also their ex and future partners.  Divorces fathers often have only part time custody therefore tend to be less present with their everyday lives.  This leaves them missing out on a lot of the little things that account for the lives of their children. That also means that when they do have time to spend with their children they really need to make every minute count.

Dating can often be a bit difficult for divorced dads.  There is a lot to juggle while maintaining a healthy balance between time for yourself, time with your children and time for a significant other.  When divorced dads start back into the dating world they should do so with caution.  There is a lot to consider.  Not only do you need to follow the normal rules of dating but also a new set of rules for divorced fathers.

First and most importantly never date or marry an individual that feels she deserves all of your attention and demands to be put ahead of your children.  No matter what she brings to the table no women is worth placing your children and their needs on the back burner.  When you had children you made the commitment to put them before anyone else in your life.

Don’t compare children.  This is especially true among siblings and step siblings.  When you begin to compare them to one another they will begin to feel doubt in themselves and the love that you have for them.  All children are different and unique in their own ways.  Praise them for who they are and what they bring to the table.  Each child offers something special to the family unit.

When you are a divorced father it is crucial that you do everything in your power to stay connected with your children.  You need to be on time and attentive to them.  Make a special effort to be at every event be it birthdays, sports, field trips and so on.  Your presence or lack thereof will be noticed by your children, your ex and so will your significant other.  If the person you are dating is someone you will want to be with forever they should encourage this.

Another important piece of the puzzle is that you live where your children live at least until they are out of school.  This will ensure that you are there for as many big and little events as you can be.  When you are dating be clear that you have no intentions of uprooting your life until your children are grown.  You need to be clear that they are dating you and that your relationship is important but so is the relationship you share with your children.

Last but not least, when dating don’t discuss your ex-wife, especially in front of your children.  When dating, your ex is off limits in conversations with your significant other while you are with your children.  They feed off of your negativity and will hold that against you later on in life.

It is a whole new world being a divorced father.  Every aspect of life with change just a little bit none more so than your dating life.  Take it all in, enjoy the ride and remember to be in the front seat of the roller coaster with your children!

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Keeping A Positive Outlook During Divorce

Men going through the divorce process, especially when children are involved, are clearly at a disadvantage. Women have been favored and continue to be throughout divorce proceedings. Society likes to view women as victims while acting like all men are scoundrels. The problem with this is that in order for a marriage to fail both parties are accountable. No one is without fault in a divorce.

Lots of men are stigmatized by the image of men in our culture being the bread winners for so long. Even though this image is no longer representative of the society we live in today it is still an issue that is facing men in divorce. Financially men are seen as the provider leaving them with the financial burden in divorce. This is a troubling matter especially with the role reversal that is common in today’s homes. More men are staying home while their wives return to work. An even more common element in homes today is the presence of two working parents. Divorce is never clear cut.

If you are a man going through a divorce it is important that you keep your head up and don’t allow yourself to get depressed. Feeling low about yourself only leads you into a situation where you are more easily taken advantage of. Keeping a positive outlook on life and a positive frame of mind allows you to focus on a better outcome to your divorce. Keep disagreements with your spouse to a minimum. This will help eliminate any more bad blood while allowing you to focus on your new optimistic approach to your life after divorce.

While you are moving through your divorce keep an eye on all assets and liabilities. Keep track of money that is being spent on credit cards and withdrawn from joint bank accounts. Your wives divorce attorney will tell her to do the same. This is not meant to be sneaky but to prevent you from being responsible for joint debt that occurs while you are in the process of divorcing. At the end of the divorce you want to remain financially stable. This will not be possible if joint accounts are wiped out and credit card debt is racked up during the dissolution of your marriage.

If you have been the stay at home care provider it is important that you determine what means you have to get back into the work force. The same should be true for your spouse as well if she has taken on the role as in home care provider to your family. Both parties should be financially responsible for bringing in a source of income after the divorce. Don’t rely on financial support from your significant other especially if you are a man. Getting spousal support is fairly uncommon for men in today’s society.

Getting a divorce is not easy. When going through a divorce seek support from friends as well as from an attorney that specializes in men’s divorce. Keep the future in your sites, keep a positive outlook, maintain your finances and work on moving forward.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

The Truth About Men Going Through A Divorce

When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality.  What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two.  We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman.  Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.

The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women.  Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.

Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued.  Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat.  Divorce is often seen as defeat.  Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them.  They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope.

Men don’t handle being alone.  The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.

When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity.  This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man.  Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling.

I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce.  A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem.  Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.

We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse.  Men see this through the emotional grieving process.  It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

 

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of.  This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve.  You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay.  Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating.  This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with.  The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage.  You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it.  Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle.  Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family.  When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you.  Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game.  Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with.  Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce.  If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage.  Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce.  Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t.  Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships.  Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Create Success For Yourself Throughout The Process of Divorce

In this day and age it is hard to believe that there is still a prejudice when it comes to men going through a divorce.  Men are at a clear disadvantage in the eyes of the courts, media and laws.  The fact is that women and their divorce attorney’s know this and will work every angle to ensure she is more than cared for.  It is important that as a man in divorce you find legal representation that specializes in men going through a divorce as they have experience in fighting this injustice.

Men need to create their own support system.  Women have support from every different direction and play the victim rather well throughout a divorce.  Men however are told to be strong, suck it up and move on while continuing to help and support their ex’s if needed.  If you want to be bled dry by the end of your divorce this is exactly how you will handle your situation.  Instead you really need to dive into looking after yourself and finding an attorney that is in it to win it for you.  You need to fight to keep your own head above water.  Don’t struggle to live comfortably while your ex vacations on your dime fight for yourself.

Get involved with every step in your divorce.  Along with your divorce attorney devise a plan that takes you through each phase of the divorce and create a vision that shows you prevailing.  In divorce there is no clear victim, there is no need to play that role or have it played against you.  Creating a clear plan and envisioning yourself coming out on top is one solid way to help. Have a successful strategy that you have developed with your attorney is the best approach to achieving your own happiness when the divorce is finally over.

Men often feel a mix of emotions during this period of time.  Allowing feelings of guilt, doubt and frustration to take over will make you vulnerable and weak.  If your ex-wife’s divorce attorney sees this and you aren’t armed with support and a legal team that if aimed in the direction of your best interests you could find yourself giving in to demands your ex is making that are completely unreasonable.  Having an attorney that specifically fights for men’s rights is important.  They will provide you with support throughout the entire process legally and emotionally.  Your attorney will be the one that saves you when your emotions start to take over and guilt settles in.

There is no reason at all to feel guilt or to do anything other than look out for yourself during this time.  The reasons your marriage failed are neither here nor there at this point.  What is clear is that at the end of the day you still need to be able to financially care for yourself.  You have but financial assets into your home and marriage and you deserve to share equally in the equity.  You deserve to be able to support yourself without living below the means you are accustomed to.  No matter the reason for the divorce you cannot allow yourself to be taken advantage of.  You have a responsibility to your own life at what it will be after your divorce.

Finding an attorney that is in it to represent you and your best interests will help you during the times when you feel weak.  They will be strong for you and will not allow you to mediate yourself into providing for everyone else but yourself.  It will happen, guilt will take over, for a spilt second you will give in to unreasonable demands if only so the nightmare can end and you will be thankful that you have a divorce attorney looking out for you.