Tag Archives: Parenting Arrangements

Co-Parenting Gives Children Stability After A Divorce

Co-parenting is important when it comes to giving your children the stability they thrive on while continuing to have close relationships with both parents and both sides of their families.  It is not easy but co-parenting with your ex gives your children a chance to grow up in an environment that promotes family unity.  Co-parenting allows you to create a working, parenting relationship with your ex for the sake of your children.  With the following tips in mind you and your ex can remain calm, consistent while resolving to avoid conflict with one another.

It will be difficult to move past the history that is shared with your ex but joint custody arrangements help to create a new path for your children.  To begin upon this new joint venture with your ex it is crucial that you begin making shared decisions, begin interacting during drops offs and speak to one another.  It may be difficult when in reality all you want to do is forget that person but in order for your children to retain close relationships with both you and the children’s father.

One of the best ways that this can be accomplished is to begin thinking about this relationship as a new one all together.  One that is no longer about either of you but instead only centered on what is best for your children.  This is the first step in becoming a mature co-parent after your divorce.

Children will begin to realize that they are more important than the conflict that resulted in your divorce when you can put it all aside and co-parent.  No matter what the circumstance of your divorce co-parenting allows children to a variety of feelings including:

  • Security: Feeling secure is important no matter what age you are but as children it is imperative. When a child feels confident that they are loved by both parents they will adjust quicker and more easily to their divorce. This will also allow them to have a higher level of self-esteem than children of divorced parents who chose not to co-parent.
  • Children of parents whom are divorced benefit from the consistency that comes along with it. Many divorce attorneys will tell you children that are co-parented have consistently better behavior because they are under the same rules, discipline, rewards and can understand what is expected of them and what they should expect.
  • Co-parenting often fosters a better ability for children to solve their problems. They will see their parents working together thus fostering their children’s ability to effectively and peacefully solve problems that arise on their own.
  • Children with parents that are working to raise them together also create a healthy example to follow. This is a pattern that will follow them and carry them into their future relationships.

The main element involved in co-parenting is that the focus stays on the children and your children only.  This can be a hard transition but it is vital for your children’s future well being that you both chose to work together and put aside the emotions of anger, hurt and resentment you have towards one another.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Reasons The Divorce Rate Keeps Rising

Worldwide the rate of divorce continues to rise.  Despite the fact that going through a divorce is viewed as the number one cause of stress.  Divorce causes stress for not only the two of you but for your children and extended families.  It is a difficult process to divide a lifetime of assets let alone the children within the family.  This is not to say that you should ever stay in a marriage that is unhealthy or unhappy.   When your marriage is over the process of divorce will feel like less of a difficulty and more of an end goal to a happily ever after.

The laws around the world have made it more feasible for divorces to occur.  This may be one of the many reasons that the divorce rate continues to rise.  If one partner feels that they would be better off after a divorce than continuing to live unhappily married the divorce process can begin.  In the U.S. there is a law that states no one person has to be at fault in order for a divorce to be granted.  A no-fault divorce is common now-a-days.  When proceeding with a divorce before no-fault divorces became the norm individuals had to prove fault.  One partner had to prove that their spouse was mentally incapacitated, cheating, lying, abusive or any other of the viable reasons that a divorce was better than the couple staying together and trying to work it out together.

Another reason the divorce rate is rising is that more and more women are seeking careers outside of the home.  In a society where specific roles are still seen it is difficult for many men and women to adjust to this new development.  A lot of men have been raised in a manner in which they see themselves as the sole provider for their families.  When a women seeks a job outside of the household both roles have to adjust.  It is impossible for women to be solely responsible for the household as well as holding down a full time career.  For some men this is not an easy adjustment and therefore leaves them feeling wounded and fragile egos aren’t easily repaired.

Both men and women have a lot of support and options once they have decided to get a divorce.  Support groups, counseling and therapy have become accepted in society.  Men and women are less fearful of the stigma that was present before.  Divorce is seen in movies, on television and is perceived differently than it had been in previous years.

With divorce rates increasing it is important to understand that it is crucial to have proper representation.  A divorce attorney specializing in family law will provide the best representation in divorce.  The outcome of your divorce will strongly be dependent upon the council you choose to represent you.  A divorce attorney that specializes in men’s rights in divorce will procure the best results for any man seeking a divorce.  If you are looking to create equal parenting arrangements, equal financial distribution and equality in the process as a whole seek a divorce attorney that represents your best interests.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Mistakes Men Should Avoid After Divorce

Accepting life after your divorce is hard on everyone involved.  Even under the best of conditions men have a difficult time adjusting to single life after being married.  Make it easier on yourself, your ex and your children by avoiding these common mistakes that are most often made following a divorce.

Dating Too Soon: To many men think that jumping back into the dating game right away is a sure way to get over their ex and begin moving on with their lives.  This is far from reality. In fact dating before the dust settles on your divorce can hinder your new relationship as well as the relationship you share with your children and ex.

Just because you are feeling alone, exposed and distressed doesn’t mean you should seek out a female companion to fill the void.  Instead begin to date casually.  Don’t take on a relationship until you have figured out life as a newly divorced man.  This can take up to two years to officially happen.  Slow down your dating game and explain to anyone you are interested in dating that you have been through a tough divorce and are not ready for a committed relationship.  Recognize that the time is not right for a relationship that constrains you in anyway.

Isolating Themselves: After a divorce it is easy for men to become cut off from the rest of the world.  This is especially true when a woman gets full custody of their children.  This alone can worsen any feelings of guilt, depression and lonesomeness that is felt.  In factdivorced men are more likely to experience suicide and alcoholism.

Instead of turning to drinking and thoughts of hurting yourself turn to old friends or family members.  Join a health club, join a softball team or join a professional association through work.  All of these activities will help you avoid the feeling of despair that can be felt by men experiencing divorce.

Giving In To Hostility:  Another common mistake that men give into is the hostility they are feeling towards their ex.  Don’t continue to fight with your ex especially when children are involved.  Don’t be the enemy.  When you are co-parenting it is easy to be at odds with your ex.  You may not always get your way on how to parent your children.  Learn to take this all in stride.  Take time to manage your feelings; there needs to be a middle ground when situations arise that you go to in order to seek a mutual resolution.

Don’t yield too much of yourself or your role as a parent to your ex.  If you are willing to put in the work you will see the results in the relationship you share with your children and ex.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Shielding Children In Divorce

After your divorce there is nothing more precious than or as delicate as your children and their emotional state.  They need to be placed ahead of your own needs and protected from other outside emotional shock.  Before beginning to date again after your divorce in finalized you should carefully consider what is in your children’s best interest.  You must protect them in every way possible meaning you may back burner future relationships until you know for certain that your children have accepted their new lives.

Your children are feeling many mixed emotions throughout your divorce.  This is unlikely to end once the divorce decree is in hand, assets split and parenting arrangements decided upon.  They will have a variety of fears, expectations and hopes.  Your job as their parent is to help them adjust.  Support their growth and shelter them from undue stress.  Divorce is a painful experience for children and is not something that is gotten over just because yours has been finalized.

Some children find that they are incredibly angry.  Not yet having experienced an emotion this strong many young children have not learned the art of hiding the pain away. For these children parents can easily tell how a child is feeling.

Other children are quiet and withdrawn.  This type of child may seem perfectly well adjusted on the outside but distraught on the inside.  Their hurt may typically go undiscovered.  It is your job as the parent to determine where your children are at in dealing with your divorce and to seek the adequate help and guidance that they need to cope with this major life change.

It is crucial that you take the time right after your divorce to focus on your relationship with your children.  You will need to re-define who you are as a parent.  The level of attention you give to your child along with your behaviors set the tone for their healing.

This is not to say that you should only focus on them and forget about yourself. You set the pace for their healing.  Take care of your own emotional well being without getting romantically involved with anyone for a substantial period of time after your divorce is settled.  Your children are watching you with glaring focus so it is important you model to them behaviors and attitudes that are acceptable.

Children are fearful of loss after their parents have been divorced.  Jumping back into the dating game after your divorce is not a good idea. Your children will fear more loss or rejection.  Children most often see anything or anyone taking away any of the attention that they feel should be placed on them as another loss.  Take time before you start dating again to establish a strong, healthy foundation with your children.   Creating a trusting relationship with them again is important if you ever hope to have their acceptance and approval with another partner.

Right after your divorce is final you need time to learn about yourself and to explore your interests.  When you are going through this process your children are watching you as a model for themselves. They will imitate your actions within their own.  Make sure that the example you are providing for your children is one that will lead them into moving on and creating a healthy life within and with each of you separately.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.