When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality. What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two. We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman. Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.
The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women. Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.
Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued. Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat. Divorce is often seen as defeat. Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them. They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope.
Men don’t handle being alone. The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.
When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity. This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man. Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling.
I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce. A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem. Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.
We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse. Men see this through the emotional grieving process. It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.
When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.
Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.
Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.
Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.
When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.
Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.
No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.
When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of. This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.
First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve. You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay. Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.
Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating. This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with. The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage. You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.
Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it. Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle. Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family. When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you. Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.
Take some time when getting back into the dating game. Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with. Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce. If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage. Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.
More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce. Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t. Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships. Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.