Monthly Archives: January 2014

Building A Life You Desire After Divorce

Getting through a divorce and getting over your divorce are two very different things.  Both are difficult, but getting back into the single life after the divorce puts your life in a different ball game all together. It is important to get back into the game of life sooner than later for you and for your children.  Below you will find some tips to help you start living life and moving on to bigger and better pastures.

 

The first piece of advice I would give to any man in a divorce or after a divorce is to take some time to grieve. The loss that you are grieving is real.  You have lost your spouse and in some cases time with your children. It is normal to mourn as you are going through a momentous change.  Go through each step of the process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and then jump back into the game of life.

 

Keep tabs on how you are feeling from day to day.  Keep a journal of your day to day emotions.  Don’t jump back into the dating pool right away.  Take time to explore yourself and determine who you are, what your likes and dislikes are and figure out exactly what you want for the future for yourself and for your children.  Don’t feel the pressure to be with someone, dating brings on compromise and at this point in time the last thing you need is to do is think about anybody but yourself and your children.

 

When it comes to dating as a divorced man especially if you are a single father to boot it is important to take time to really focus on learning who you are and what you want.  The phrase “play the field” comes to mind but just be careful when as you do so.  Don’t involve your children in the chaos of your dating life.  Let them be kids and let them have your undivided attention when you have time with them.  If you are one of the lucky dads that gets primary custody or joint custody use your time with your children to make their lives as normal as possible and leave your dating life for the times when you are without kids.

 

It is important that you re-build your life.  The environment in which you live will say a lot about your overall mental state of mind for yourself and for your children.  Bring together pieces of your lives throughout the years to make your new home theirs.  This does not mean that you have to bring in pictures of your ex or anything like that however bring in pictures of the kids, vacations taken.  Make sure the kids have comforts of life wherever they are.  This will ensure that they are at home where ever they are.

 

As a divorced parent, being a dad is your most important job.  Taking care of yourself and your children after your divorce will leave you with the relationships you wish for in the future.